Yesterday I posted my monthly hair report, celebrating five months from the end of chemo. Earlier this year I followed Chiagal, a blog of a much younger gal who posted weekly updates on her post chemo regrowth. I decided once a month would be adequate after observing what seemed like a painfully slow process. So I try to get pictures on the 22nd of each month and write something fitting.
But today I am celebrating a completely different anniversary: One year ago today I went for that first check on the lump I’d found. I’d taken an appointment with a different doctor, but my own doctor happened to be a patient in my office earlier that day. I told her I was coming in to see her partner but when I got to the office, she’d rearranged the schedule so that I could see her. She examined me and didn’t think it was overly concerning but ordered a diagnostic mammogram (includes ultrasound) “just to be sure.” The next time I talked to her, she was calling me to give me the bad news from the biopsy. It wasn’t easy news to pass on as it surprised her more than it did me. (I was in on the biopsy so my suspicions had been heightened.) I’ll be noting the anniversary of the diagnosis in another ten days or so, February 7th.
Today, I happened to be “celebrating” with a follow up appointment at the Oncology office in Oak Park, where all my chemo was done. This is a slightly late 3-month follow up, my first real post-treatment appointment. I went with a long list of questions in my I-Phone and discussed them at length with the nurse practitioner. Basically I can say I am “disease free”, not cured. They do not do much follow up testing because the studies have shown that symptoms appear within months of positive tests and the treatment and outcomes are the same. I will, of course, have regular check ups and mammograms. We also discussed a timetable for the reconstruction, deciding to do it in two parts so that I can get an MRI done in between. I will likely schedule the first part, exchanging the expander for the implant (a fairly simple procedure) sometime in March and the follow up surgery in May.
I’m working around two wonderful events: Our second grandson is due March 1, 2014. And I bought myself a ticket to New Zealand for two weeks, April 17-May 1 🙂 I will be spending time with James (and Anne) and his family over Easter and then helping Anne (and James) get wedding details in place.
A year ago my biggest concern was having to spend a whole year of my life treating the cancer. I had just made a lot of other plans for the year and didn’t want them all sidetracked, but I knew that I was looking at a long road of treatment ahead of me. My calendar would be wiped clean and filled, instead, with doctor appointments, surgeries, possible chemo and radiation. I hated that, feeling like a whole year would be “lost” or “wasted.” I did spend a whole year in treatment and I’m not even quite done yet. But it certainly doesn’t feel like a lost or wasted year.
It wasn’t the year I would have chosen, but it was a pretty incredible year. I feel like I found my voice in writing and speaking my faith. I have felt the wonderful support of friends and family. I’ve experienced a whole lot of new things and can empathize better than ever with my patients and others undergoing life-threatening illness. I’ve learned that some of my deepest fears were groundless. (And also to have a deep respect for emotions as they are. Even if my fears were misguided, no one was going to talk me out of them ahead of time. That valley of shadows is something I needed to go through. But there is something pretty cool about coming out the other side and realizing I am still very much okay.) I have seen God’s hand in many details and have observed answers to prayer. I have tasted many helpings of God’s grace.