I ended my post about trusting God in the midst of timing that seemed crazy with the words, “Come what may.” I really hesitated before writing those words. My fingers hovered over the keys for awhile and even after I wrote the words I considered deleting them. But it felt like an issue of faith to me so I left them in.

In my mind that “Come what may” had more to do with the uncertainties about surgery and the MRI or about our new grandson. I wasn’t going to worry about the details, but I’ve learned to expect the unexpected in life. I thought that in a month or so I might have a glimpse of what that “Come what may” might turn out to be.

I had no idea of the surprise that was coming or how quickly it came.

James called us on Sunday to let us know that they were considering changing their wedding date to April 5, 2014, eight weeks from now. We had a conversation with Anne later that day and emails that went back and forth between us. They sought the counsel of various mentors there and in the end decided that is what they are going to do.

While John, Lizi and I will be able to be at the wedding, Laura and her family will not be able to attend so soon after the new baby. Johnny is probably going to opt to go at a later date. And I will miss most of the wedding planning and preparations. This feels like another loss to me, coming on top of a year of difficult losses, so I have to admit that I am not handling it well. I am still trying to trust God and looking for his grace in the midst of my raw emotions.

I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other, “doing the next thing” as Elisabeth Elliott once advised. I finished working for a bit and will be getting ready for surgery next Tuesday. I visited the midwife with Laura and baby today and I’m knitting baby things in anticipation of that wonderful event. I know less than I did last week and have more stresses on my mind than before, but I am also resigned to my place on the sidelines watching and waiting to see how it all comes together.

I am reminded of a Christmas letter I wrote in 1991, which turned into Anne’s birth announcement. I imagined a nice little family gathered together by the fireplace, mom’s hands busy with some quilting, Dad reading, the children quietly playing together. I then admitted that was NOT our family in 1991.  (That alternative reality has been played out over and over, with increasing intensity many times.) I compared our real life to my then current quilt project; crazy trips to the store, mistakes, seam ripping, hurried sewing sessions and inevitable messes. In spite of all that, I finished a pink and blue baby quilt and was able to wrap it around my new daughter just a few days before Christmas. There won’t be a literal quilt to wrap around James and Anne come April (even I’m not crazy enough to attempt that) but we will find a way to share in their excitement and joy, wrapping them in our love and prayers.

Please feel free to pray with us. I especially pray the words of Philippians 1:9-11: “that [their] love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that [they] may be able discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ–to the praise and glory of God.”