One week down. I slept a lot though not quite as much as I expected to. The pain was a little worse than I expected but never really unbearable. It just wore me down with its persistence.

This week I had two more appointments at Rush. I checked in with one of my surgeons (before they both leave for week of Spring Break.) I had one drain removed and was generally checked over to reassure me that everything is going as planned. I expected to spend one more week being a perfect patient and then starting to feel a bit more normal, but my doc said I should plan to be patient a little longer.

The other appointment at Rush was to meet my oncologist, Dr. Melody Cobleigh. I’ve heard rave reviews of this woman from various sources and decided that I wanted to have her on my team. First of all, I’m happy to have my first woman doctor in all of this, though my male docs have been superb. She looks like one of my childhood friends and her mother, so I felt a nice warm emotional connection from the start. She also wanted to hear my stories rather than relying on medical reports and was interested in outside details of my life, like my children, John’s work etc. Lastly, when she started discussing chemotherapy in “broad strokes” she stopped to ask how much information I wanted and tailored her discussion to what I thought I’d find most helpful.

It was disappointing to learn that there’d been at least 10 nodes involved so the official staging is 3c, pretty high. (I did a brief amount of research on staging and decided I wasn’t all that interested. I gather that it’s just below Stage 4, which would indicated tumors outside the breast and lymph tissue. I already knew that I’d been given a reprieve on that one.) As expected, I will be getting the full range of treatment–chemo and radiation–and a cure is still expected.

I will get two different chemotherapies, each four treatments long given in two week intervals. She wants me to plan to be off work for the first week of each chemo type. I mapped out a schedule after the appointment, but today my surgeon suggested that I slow my expectations down a bit further. Chemo will interfere with the healing process if it isn’t really complete and that really needs to be our first priority. It may mean moving back some of my summer pool time (the first 8-week round causes issues with photosensitivity) and will also mean I probably won’t finish chemo by the time Anne comes to visit in July, but it also means I can keep my hair a few weeks longer.

Although this hair thing still bothers me, I did have a few moments of genuine laughter imagining myself driving down the road in my shiny red convertible, top down and completely bald. I’ll bet I get more reactions than usual if I try that! (Funnier yet if one were to interpret “top down” the way guys always seem to mis-take my meaning.)

Realizing that I’m not really in charge of the schedule actually gave me more peace–it really is important to take one step at a time and not try to Rush (haha–get it?) things. I’m in a triathlon–surgery, chemo and radiation–not a sprint. The goal is to finish the race, not try to get there in record time. (The prize for finishing is hopefully going to be a nice long period of R&R is New Zealand.)

So instead of sprinting ahead to get more tests done (MUGA) and a port placed, I think I’ll take the time to process some of the already shocking changes that have occurred in my life. Just six weeks ago I had no idea that any of this was coming my way. I had some vague concerns but fully expected them to be like all the others up to this point, minor worries that would never materialize. Now that they have, it seems like a good idea to slow down and ponder a few things.

After my appointment today, Marilyn picked me up and I asked her if we could get lunch and go back to her house instead of returning to my house as planned. I’d picked up the newly released DVD, The Hobbit, and thought spending part of the afternoon in their basement theater watching scenes from New Zealand might be a nice way to enjoy the rest of my day. Hobbiton is only about a 30 minute drive from where Anne lives and I enjoyed seeing Bag End once again, as well as a younger Gandalph, Bilbo, and being introduced more thoroughly to each of the dwarves. Spending the afternoon completely stretched out in a leather recliner was a wonderful way to enjoy the rest of my day. I didn’t completely forget that I have cancer, but I didn’t stress over appointments, staging, chemo and schedules. 

My schedule is completely clear for the next four days and I might just try to keep it that way.